No knows what I’m feeling no one knows what I think.
I keep my own counsel, because the whole body is weak.

Can we reach post-modernity with our yuppie feel good songs with no theological depth we sing in our churches today? Even in seekers churches? It sucks that the secular music i listen to is more authentic then a lot of the worship we here in our churches.

Do we really want to see conversion?

Man I realize that I sometimes spending more effort in ministry then I do trying to get closer to God. And I spend more time doing ministry then missionally engaging those around me to see lives get changed. Like I'll preach several times a week to people who I'm building relationships with who don't know Jesus, but what about the people who I'm friends with who don't know Jesus?

The Jehovah Witnesses came by my house today and I was spending time with my girl friend watching the new Batman.

Man I did the whole Apologetic Argument against their faith and spoke of the deity of Christ to them, and did a good job at doing it, but it did nothing. And look when I witness to people who belong to cults, and atheists, and even people who HATE MY GOD I show them love. These conversations are to save, not to defend myself or to defend God, but to bring him glory and to show the lost the forgiveness of God.

So I ran out of money this week because I'm sticking to a budget now. i tithe first, then save, then keep the rest for my week. I usually spend the most of my money on food so on Thursday when I spent the last of my money on gas I haven't bought food since, yet I've eaten well for every meal. On Friday I preached at a Private School in Hialeah and they gave me lunch and a snack. When I went to my meeting out outback for training I stuffed myself with shrimp and crab. At the ministry rally last night i ate a burrito, and this morning I ate breakfast at Don Robsons house. So now i'm challenging myself to not spend any money on food for as long as I possibly can. Lets see how long I go.

Man God is good, been a real bad last couple of days. Really wretched guys. I feel a weight on me to preach and to see lives changed. I feel a message cooking inside of me for this private school I am invited to this week to preach at. I have no idea how many students are there, but I feel like God is birthing something in me, that is not of me so that I cannot boast, that will glorify him. Even if no lives are changed I feel an almost unbearable stress about what I'm going to say.

Cynicism and Christianity are the only things I can convert people to. Cynicism is me seeing a world empty of hope when my mind gets the best of my hearts. When I close my eyes so that I might look for satisfaction in poetry. I'm the worst poet that I know. Christ can only bring people to himself. Only he can save, without him my words are foolish as I preach to men who are already dead. Men who on their best days are as senile as nursing home patients on their last days. I cannot hope in anything but my God. FUNCTIONALLY:I sometimes don't believe in the power of prayer. I realize this because I look at my actions. I wonder why he doesn't answer my prayers... but i realize that sometimes I'm not praying... woe is to me as I die and try to give life to dead men. I'm hungry and my soul is frail cause I'm hungry yet I seek to feed others while I myself am dying.

I can't even convert people to Christianity. Only Disciples as jacked as I am on my own. "Say this prayer and be a baptist" is the closest we can get. Cynicism infects my mind as Christ rescues me from certain death, he gave his all until there was nothing left. Christ saves, he is our hope, his election, his purpose, his Love.

Peace and Love is me spreading empty promises and empty faith unless that hope is Christ. Unless that hope is Christ I'm a rambling fool.